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Post by illinoisjohn on Aug 15, 2011 18:26:48 GMT -5
A lady was taking golf lessons from the club pro. They had just begun, when the pro got a call and said, "I'll be right back, I have to return to the clubhouse. Just keep on playing and I'll find you when I take care of this matter."
After a time, the woman came in the clubhouse and found the pro. He asked what the problem was, and she replied, "I just got stung by a bee"!
"Where" the pro asked.
Between the second and third hole.
Pro replied, "I told you your stance was too wide"!
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SMASH
Hired Hand
doo-rag dude
Posts: 197
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Post by SMASH on Aug 15, 2011 18:45:38 GMT -5
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Post by Angus in NCMO® on Aug 15, 2011 22:21:38 GMT -5
a husband and wife asked the club pro to give them golfing lessons.
the golf pro agreed but said he would like to work with each of them individually so they wouldn't be distracted by the other spouse.
The husband goes out with the pro first. The pro asked to see his normal swing so he can see what needs corrected and where he should start. The husband tees one up and swings away ... hard slice -- way out of bounds. The pro immediately notices the husband's grip is much too tight on the club and asks him to try a much softer grip on the club -- similar to how he would grip his wifes breasts, and try again. Tees another ball up and WHACK, straight down the fairway farther and straighter than the husband had ever hit a ball before. The pro asks the husband to keep practicing with the soft grip and he will go see about assisting the wife.
The wife goes out with the pro and the pro asks to see her normal swing. She tees one up and swings away -- hooked it hard into the rough. Immediately the pro notices the same problem as the husband had, gripping the club much too tightly. The pro asks the wife to imagine she is handling her husband's member, and try another swing. The wife tees one up and ... straight down the fairway, farther and straighter than she'd ever hit one before. The pro exclaimed HOLY fricking SHIT -- THAT WAS AN AMAZING GOLF SHOT. The wife looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, after all he was the pro -- she asked him "What's the matter with you, you've surely seen better and longer shots than that before?"
Well yeah, but never while the golfer was on their knees, and holding the club in their teeth.
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Post by clayknob on Aug 16, 2011 21:25:24 GMT -5
classic
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Post by Angus in NCMO® on Aug 16, 2011 21:47:36 GMT -5
A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet, then goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f***ing lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds: "Well, there you have it. You should have taken "golf lessons" instead!" . .
He never even had a chance to duck. He was 43.
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